Posted in Life, Science

5 reasons I should have been born a Neanderthal

These are hard times to live out as a human. We’ve got to deal with so many things, its exhausting! Neanderthals might be our ancestral cousins, but they’re not always the club swinging, less than sophisticated goons!

Here are 5 reasons why I’d have done better as a Neanderthal –

5.  I’d get bigger brains! Neanderthals had bigger brains than humans. There were also stronger and had better eyesight. So I could use my big brains, biceps and  better vision to protect my tribe with awesome stone tools I made! Any unwelcome suitor I had, I could just club him on the head without worrying about getting arrested! I doubt it’ll do him much harm though, considering his big head!

4.  I wouldn’t have to deal with antibiotic resistance. Also, Neanderthals ate tree bark with penicillin fungi growing on it, so I guess they knew a little something about antibiotics wayyyyyy before Fleming. I wouldn’t have to worry about causing antibiotic resistance every time I ate antibiotics and could just happily chew on penicillin covered tree bark.

3. I’d get to see a lot more fauna. There were aurochs, straight tusked elephants,woolly  rhinoceros,smilodons (sabre tooth tigers) and not to mention my favorite, mammoths! Of course I’d be more likely to die as well, but its not like my life now is completely risk free. I’d think chances of dying are more now, considering fire, earthquakes, being electrified, accidents and crossing the road (so very dangerous!). Also, there weren’t nearly enough neanderthals to hunt animals to extinction. That honor rests with Homo sapiens alone! So I could be from a species that didn’t cause loads of species to die out completely.

2.  I wouldn’t need to talk.  An an introvert, talking is always a challenge.  Neanderthals don’t really have the deep palate we have, adapted for talking. So they probably didn’t talk except in grunts and noises. I’d fit right in! No worrying about if I said the wrong thing or wondering if I hurt someone’s feelings. No talking, no misunderstandings! And no phone calls as no technology. I bet my tribe would have a great time grunting and sharpening tools around a fire together every night!

  1. I wouldn’t have to write exams or work for a living. Luckily, neanderthals didn’t have the concept of money. Or education. The biggest challenge they faced was surviving. Didn’t really have to worry about making it big, increasing their earning potential or having to deal with the heartbreak of the WiFi breaking down. Its a win-win situation, I tell you!

So there you have it! Being a Neanderthal would have had so much less stress!

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Author:

I'm a writer, a poet, an observer and a studier of life.

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