You know, there’s always something I’ve wondered about self confidence. How is it that some people are full of it and others barely scrape enough to get out of the house? Some feel comfortable in their own skin and others try to hide it.
I can’t profess to know much about how the male sex finds and deals with self confidence issues but as a girl/woman, I can say that lacking self esteem is an ugly thing. Wearing baggy clothes, leaving my hair open to screen my face full of spots, and spending ages so that my hair doesn’t look awful too. I am terrified of being the center of attention. My friends feel comfortable and confident enough to strut straight ahead and draw attention to themselves and I slouch behind them, hiding my face.
Its worse in front of new people. I try to speak, I really do. But then I stutter and trip over words, and make a fool of myself. Its easier to just sit with my lips pinched shut, and self – pityingly sulk about how much I want to talk to the new guys. Its also easier when they very obviously talk to the prettier girls and leave me behind.
I guess insecurity springs from what we want our image to be. Or maybe because society places an overwhelming amount of importance on looks? I can’t blame society for my lack of confidence. Its internal. Its in my head. And its awful.
Whats the reason for this? I wonder. I doubt I am the only one who is so insecure about myself. Puberty is of course the age of insecurity, atleast for us non – model types. But does it really fade away as we grow older. Or do we just learn to hide it better?
I can analyse it as much as I want, but I doubt I’ll find a solution. Its just the way I am made. I’ll have to accept it. Try to accept it.